Have you heard that math is America’s favorite subject? No? Yeah me neither but let me provide you with statistics that will be easy to comprehend yet hard to believe. Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States, which equates to 10 million men and women annually. The gravity of that is mind-boggling when one stops to consider what this actually looks like. Domestic abuse is an issue heard about but often reported by the victim later than when the original act occurred. It could take anywhere from weeks to months - even years for someone to disclose domestic abuse. Men, women, and children have all suffered from domestic abuse. It is not a situation that favors one type of person more than the other, and it is not something that can be simply handled.
Cases of domestic violence vary immensely. There are cases that can last for a brief period and there are cases that continue on for years, with the abuse escalating as time passes. Some situations lead to unfortunate endings, but there are instances where the person is able to get out of the abusive situation and advocate for other victims. Jazmyne Olison’s brave story is one example of that. It took two long years, but this young lady from Texas decided to speak up about her abuse. Jazmyne knew that if her abuser did not face the consequences of his actions, he would likely go on to abuse others. She did not want other women experiencing the pain and abuse that she dealt with. Fresh out of college and excited about the future, this young woman found herself in an appalling relationship that involved physical and verbal abuse.
One night Jazmyne and her boyfriend, who is a famous professional boxer, were out celebrating his birthday in Texas when he was escorted out of a restaurant for his aggressiveness towards the staff. On the way home his aggressive behavior continued to escalate. In our discussion, Jazmyne recalls how he was verbally and then physically abusive towards her. He threw her belongings out the window then proceeded to physically abuse her and ultimately left her stranded in a city where she had no access to transportation. A victim of domestic abuse is 70 times more likely to be murdered in the process of leaving their abuser.
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When we are afraid or in danger, we are taught to call the police and they will help, and she did just that. Jazmyne wrote a statement from that night detailing everything that transpired. Her boyfriend would be arrested and charged with assault by strangulation. Even with evidence, witnesses, and photographs to justify the abuse the abuser would still be found not guilty in criminal court. Jazmyne’s witnesses started retracting their statements and she would eventually find herself in court being interrogated by a group of jurors as if she had committed a crime herself. It was her words against a person who was admired in the public's eye, and in that moment, she realized why victims do not always come forward.
Individuals who are victims of domestic abuse harbor feelings of guilt and shame for staying in a relationship where they are threatened and intimidated by the victimizer. The abused person suffers from mental exhaustion as they try to wrap their mind around why this is happening to them, and what they did wrong to be in this type of situation.
As Jazmyne was beginning to feel like her life was caving in on her, she decided to push back. All she wanted to do was stand up for herself in a courtroom, where the justice system she felt was failing her, could finally render a decision in her favor. Some level of closure would eventually be found in civil court, where a legally binding agreement was entered into between both parties. Jazmyne agreed to a confidential settlement with her abuser and due to their agreement, no details can be disclosed. Agreeing was not an easy path for Jazmyne, but she wanted to put an end to this nightmare - she wanted peace, and it appeared that this was her only option.
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“We are as strong and as powerful as we allow ourselves to be. We must be encouraged and know that although it may be extremely tough to remove yourself from an abusive situation, there’s strength in your ability to stand up for yourself.” These are Jazmyne’s words of encouragement - meant for those silently suffering from domestic abuse. She continues, “You are not alone, and you don’t have to feel like a victim.” This powerful quote from Jayme serves as an example of someone who was able to overcome the obstacles created by an abusive relationship. Her message clearly demonstrates that victims should not try to justify an abuser’s actions and finding the strength to fight for freedom is the best remedy. This advice is also for people who are not in abusive relationships. Jazmyne encourages even those who have suffered instances of mental abuse: “Anytime someone puts you down, or takes advantage of you, stay firm and know that there are options that exist beyond the abuser.”
Society expects the law to handle instances of abusive conflict no matter who all is involved. It is believed that if both parties come forward with the whole truth and nothing but the truth, then everything will be resolved based on the evidence provided. Society does not realize that when the public speculates, the situation can be interpreted in various ways. Oftentimes there are domestic violence cases in which the abuser is a well-known public figure, as in the case of Jazmyne. Victims are ultimately forced to settle out of court if they want the harassment to end. This requires the victim to agree to confidentiality and nondisclosure agreements, but despite that, Jazmyne Olison chooses to be courageous, and not hide her identity and her story. The definition of domestic abuse is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner. Whether the incident involves physical cruelty or verbal abuse, it all falls into the category of domestic violence. No matter how small of an act it is, domestic abuse can leave a victim scarred for years to come.
“There are two sides to every story.” While this may be true, the fact that an abuser could mention something that contradicts what was first confessed by the victim often prevents a person who has been abused from telling their “truth”. Along with this, there are people who will not believe the story, harass the victim on social media, and urge the person who has been harmed to keep quiet because of all the negativity that could arise from their disclosure. When someone is experiencing domestic abuse, there is a lot to process and work through.
October is nationally recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness month. This month sheds light on what has become known as a “silent killer.” More often than not, these relationships result in serious injuries or death. Abusers wear their victims down until the slightest provocation shifts abuse from violence to homicide. Fortunately, Jazmyne was able to get out of her abusive relationship. Her voice should encourage others to speak up when they find themselves living under a similar set of circumstances. Whether it is verbal, or physical, abuse is never okay. All it takes is one person to come forward, and that courage alone will motivate others to follow suit. Jazmyne wants other victims of abuse to realize they are so much more than a victim - they are survivors.
“At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.”
Christine Mason Miller
“You can recognize survivors of abuse by their courage. When silence is so very inviting, they step forward and share their truth so others know they aren’t alone.”
Jeanne McElvaney
“Never forget that walking away from something unhealthy is brave even if you stumble a little on your way out the door.”
― Unknown
“When it comes to abuse, you believe there’s no way out. There is always help. There is always a way out.”
Rev. Donna Mulvey
“Each time a woman stands up for herself without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”
Maya Angelou
